Sunday, May 3, 2009

Dear Birth Parent Letter

Me and Chad would really like to her some feedback on our letter and picture's.. We really need some encouragement right now... We feel like we are not getting things done right for our agency.. It's probably just us being drama queens... Someone told me I look like I'm not wanting to take my meds in my picture's... That really hurt my feeling's... The agency told me to smile more and I did... Now all I can think now is that I need to open my mouth more to let the meds in...LOL.. Not that I take meds at all.... I really want our pics and letter to be the best that it can be for our potential BirthParents thats all...


  1. I am really sorry I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just remember the days of shoving meds in my kids mouth for the sake of his health. I don't understand why the agency has the final say anyways. You pay them right? I think you need to try and relax for the photos. I am sure thats easier said than done. Again, you should be the boss. Sorry again for making you feel bad.

  2. i really like the original pictures better. I have no idea what was wrong with them. they appear more natural then the new ones.

    but what do I know? We went with DCF. I dont know much about this whole birth mother letter thing, as I didnt even know that a pregnant women is considered a birthmother when she hasnt even placed her baby yet.

    I was always under the assumption she is a mother until she actually places her baby.

    But dont listen to me, the whole thing seems strange to me. I do know alot of adoptive parents have gone through what you are going through, so its not that unusual if that makes you feel any better.

    Just speak from your heart and forget the rest of the 'do this do that'. You know yourself better then anyone. Plus, if all the letters look alike because the agency is telling them what to write, then the women might get bored reading them.

    You guys will be terrific dads, i dont know what the agency is telling you about changing everything all the time. I get frustrated with them just reading about the changes because I thought things seemed fine on the first time you posted.

    But here you go with my honest critism on the letter.

    I found the parenting section depressing. If I was a reading it about watching the 'first', I'm not even a birth mother and I started to think about the women who will miss out on all that stuff and started to feel bad. I personally would stay away from that sort of thing.

    the other thing is the 'sections'. I thought it was suppose to be a letter. It looks more like a report. I didnt feel the tenderness due to the sections. it seemed more like a resume. Not sure if thats what they want, but when i hear 'letter', I think of something more personal.

    but please keep in mind that I dont know about this sort of thing. Maybe thats what 'birthmothers' want to see.

    I could totally be of the mark on this, but sometimes i wonder if women choose gay dads to raise their child because they want to be the only mother in their childs life, they dont want another woman to take that role.

    The fact that you are looking for an open adoption, i think the women would be more apt for gay men because of the above reason. so maybe even mention that something like that.

    again, I have no experience in this at all, so Im just speaking from my own thoughts with no experience at all.

    but regardless of what i said, i like the older pictures better. That I can tell you with no hesitation.

  3. wow, what a long comment. Sorry guys. I just really hate the idea that they are making you chop up everything.

  4. I think you did clear up a lot of the parts that seemed a little "choppy" in the first letter. As an IAC alum, I can tell you that you need to fight hard to keep in the stuff you want. Our IAC experiance has been rocky at times, but they did get us our baby rather quickly once all was said and done. Still there are a lot of things I think they need to work on.

  5. Hi there ~ We're in the same adoption spot as you are. In fact we are doing our pictures today (weather depending)! We're also in the process of writing our letter. The best advice I've gotten about the letter is to try to paint pictures with words. For example instead of 'we look forward to baking cookies' make it 'seeing our child wearing an apron and covered in flour while we make Christmas cookies....blah blah blah'.

    I like the posing in the second set of photographs much better. I know it's hard to be natural and relaxed with all this pressure!

    As for your agency - I know I sometimes feel like i'm being held hostage by all the restrictions and "expertise". I'd have a come to Jesus meeting with them but at the same time I'd probably be scared of offending them and getting booted to the bottom of the list!

    Sorry you're hitting a rough spot. I hope it gets better!